Thursday, August 03, 2006

sick day

I haven't eaten all day and I called off sick from work this morning. I've come down with a strain of the flu. It started yesterday. I nearly passed out behind the counter at the deli and later on at the bar, I had to keep leaning against the wall. My body felt weak and my head was pounding.

Right now every joint aches, I can't keep anything down. I have a fever and my neck is stiff. I feel like my body is a huge bruise.

I've been tossing and turning in bed all day. We don't have an air conditioner, so I've been melting ice cubes on my body to stay cool. I can't wear anything because it feels constricting. I keep pulling the blankets over me and then tearing them off. I can't make myself comfortable. I hate this.

Jonas came over this afternoon. He wiped my forehead, gave me cold water and talked with me. We watched a movie together and he just left. He was so sweet and loving. I know from my reflection that I have no color in my lips and gray circles around my eyes. My hair is tangled. I look like death today.

I didn't call Richard, I don't know if I will. I don't know how I feel about anything or anyone right now. I just need to lay back down and sleep. I hate this. I left the bar early yesterday and I can't afford to take off again tonight. We're short staffed but I can barely even stand. I don't want to get fired. Lisa promised to explain everything to my boss.

I wish life wasn't like this. I'm tired of working so hard. I'm tired of feeling so confused all the time and lost. I just wish I had someone to hold my hand and guide me. Someone to take the burden off for a while so I can really rest. Someone to tell me its gonna be all right.

I'm so tired.
posted by Iris at 7:55 PM