Thursday, July 06, 2006

The Rules?

Jonas didn't call me today

I'm feeling lonely and miserable tonight. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I want to call him, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this entire relationship and my distance is causing him to think I'm not interested. I'm playing it so safe that I think I'm pushing him away.

I wish there was a definitive handbook of rules for dating so I wouldn't keep making the same mistakes over and over. I told this to Stacey this afternoon and she dropped by with a book for me to read. It's called "The Rules"

I started reading it and I'm not sure if I agree with it or disagree. Here are some examples of what they tell you to do in this book.

1. "Don't talk too much. Don't reveal too much about yourself, remain a mystery". (which is kind of what I'm doing)

2. "Never go Dutch. Make sure the guy pays for the date."

3. "Never approach a man, let him approach you." (oops....)

4. "Don't tell him about your problems" (emotional instability, past drug use or issues in your life)

5. "Don't call a man on the phone. Don't call him back if he leaves a message on your answering machine. You'll appear too eager. Let him enjoy the chase."

6. "Don't talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes. They even suggest putting an egg timer up. Then make an excuse like you're too busy and hang up."

7. "Don't even accept a date unless he's given ample notice" (for instance, If he wants to see you on the weekend, he has to call you by Wednesday. If he doesn't, Tell him it's too late and you already have plans. Kind of like a sold out ticket for a concert. You have to book it in advance.)

8. "Don't have sex right away. Wait at least several months otherwise it will be dating suicide."

9. "If you want a man to marry you, don't live with him. Wait until he offers a ring."

This book gave me a headache. I didn't know what to think. On one hand, I agree that it's true... if you make yourself too available or come off as too needy, the man will lose interest or take you for granted.

Some of these rules are so contrived though and forced. It seems kind of manipulative and unfair for the guy. Isn't it important to just be yourself? Be honest? On the other hand, I didn't follow these rules for Michael and look how that relationship ended up! Maybe there is some truth in these rules.

What do you think?

Fuck "the rules" and call Jonas?

Stick by "the rules" and wait for him to call me?

I really AM overanalyzing things. I have to find better ways to spend my time so it doesn't matter if he calls me. I was never like this before, I'm just afraid because I like him so much. I don't want to mess this up.

At any rate, I've decided to invite Lisa to live with me and be my roommate. We'll split the rent 50/50 and I'm going to register for college classes. I have to get my life in order. I can't live like this anymore.

I'll ask her about this tomorrow night at work. I hope she says "yes", I hate feeling lonely at night and would be nice to have a roommate to talk to. Tonight I have the night off and no real plans yet.
posted by Iris at 6:41 PM