Tuesday, June 06, 2006

My new place

I'm sitting indian style on the hardwood floor next to an open window, I have my laptop propped up on a cardboard box right now, and I'm receiving wireless internet service from the next door neighbors.

I'm in my new apartment.


My refridgerator is empty and I have no furniture. It's a studio, so it's basically one big room with a kitchen attached. The bathroom is pretty microscopic. when I'm on the toilet, my knees are up against the door. The shower doesn't have a curtain yet. The walls need to be repainted.

But it's mine.

This is the greatest feeling in the world.

It wasn't easy to get to this point. Michael wouldn't accept that I was leaving. We started crying. He grabbed my arm and twisted it. He pushed me up against the wall. This passion and intensity used to turn me on. It would usually end up with him tearing off my clothes and us falling into bed together.

Not this time. I'm finished. I'm finished with him. I'm finished with his inability to commit to me and his drug use. I can't play this game anymore. I wont. I can't.

This is it, my new beginning. It starts here.

In this studio apartment, with no air conditioning and wearing only a tanktop and panties. I'm going to spread out a blanket and sleep on the floor.

It's going to be the greatest sleep I've had in a long long time. I'm free! I had to do some messed up things to get to this point, but now I'm cleaning the slate. This is my second chance. I'm not going to look back.

I'm so damn happy right now. I just needed to put it down in writing.

Today... 6.6.06. Is when I turned it all around. Figures...666. Creepy, but at least I wont forget the date.

more tomorrow, it's time to sleep...
posted by Iris at 11:52 PM