Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My Mother the witch

I should have been suspicious when my mother called me out of the blue after my morning shift at the deli and invited me over for lunch.

She sounded too friendly and too sweet. She said she "missed" spending time with me and told me that my sister would be coming over too. She usually doesn't stage spontaneous lunch gatherings.

I didn't really want to go, but I thought this might give me to the opportunity to talk about college. I thought that maybe my mother could help me out.

When I arrived, I saw immediately what this was all about.

Luke was there.

What kind of mother DOES that? He's my ex-fiance! We broke up last year, we left on unstable terms. My last encounter with him was embarrassing to the say the least. Why would she try to push us into an uncomfortable encounter?? The least she could have done was warn me ahead of time.

I hate the fact that my mother has pushed her way into my personal business and formed a friendship with my ex-boyfriend's family. I hate how she rubs our break-up in my face and causes dramatic scenes. I hate how she takes HIS side over mine when I'm her fucking daughter! It's not her business and it's not her place.

Luke looked surprised and uneasy. Apparently she didn't tell him I was coming either.

He didn't say anything during lunch. He just looked down and pushed his food nervously around on his plate. Meanwhile my mother drilled me about my life, my plans and put me down. I brought up the subject of college and she started on her usual rant.

Mom: "I'll help you if you move back home. I have connections with a nice college and I can enroll you in a promising major. I wont support your ideas of art, writing or drama. That will get you nowhere. I also wont support your wanton lifestyle. You'll be under my roof and under my rules. I can get you back on the right track like your sister. We'll fix up your room and I'll get you a car. I'm offering you everything you need. You would be a fool not to take this offer and continue living a life of sin"

I had to hold my tongue. Luke avoided my eyes.

Then she and my sister left the table so Luke and I could have "alone time".

It's obvious that she thinks we can "work things out" even though he's currently engaged to someone else. This is how twisted my mother is.

I was polite and asked him how he was doing. He said he was "fine". He asked me about my life. I told him I was seeing someone named Jonas. Okay so it's not entirely the truth, but it's not a full blown lie. Jonas and I have potential after all and a date on Saturday. I told him I was enrolling in a community college, I just needed to figure out the financial situation.

"If I can help in anyway, Iris... just let me know", Luke said "I'll do anything I can. I know things were hard for you after our break up"

"I've got everything under control" (a complete lie) "but thanks for the offer"

Then I excused myself from the table and said I had to go.

"Feel free to call me anytime", Luke said "it would be nice to be friends again and catch up."



That encounter this afternoon depressed the hell out of me. I don't want to be reminded about the mistakes I made or the people I hurt. I don't want to go back to that time. I'm trying to move on with my life and my mother wont let it go. What the hell is the matter with her?

To make matters worse, Michael called while I was away. I listened to his voice on the answering machine and pressed delete. Attack of the ex-boyfriends. This was an all-around bad day.

I have so much emotional baggage, I wonder how Jonas would reacte if he knew all this.

I feel so confused inside and I'm not sure what path I should take. Am I really a fool for not agreeing to my mother's terms? I'm 22 years old, Don't I have every right in the world to live my life the way I see fit?? Why can't she support me instead of being a controlling wench?

End of rant.

I need a drink
posted by Iris at 11:47 PM