Thursday, June 22, 2006

Another meeting

Jonas came into the store again this morning. I couldn't escape him this time so I just gave him a polite smile and asked him what he'd like to order. I'm so tired of being the girl behind the counter. I want the roles to be reversed for a change. I'm always the one serving.

He seemed to think about it for a second, than asked "did you get my note?"

I only nodded, but I didn't look at him.

There was a long silence. "Okay I'll have a plain bagel"

I heated it up and wrapped it for him.

He stared at me for a moment. He looked like he was going to say something, but he didn't.

"Bye", He said finally taking his bagel off the counter and he was gone.

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!! I stared up at the ceiling in frustration and a slew of curses ran through my head. Why do I get like this when I like someone?? Why wasn't I friendly? Why didn't I open up and talk to him? What the hell is the matter with me?

I like him so much, just seeing him again up close and personal brought back a rush of feelings. There was this excitment in the pit of my stomach, this anticipation and this desire to talk to him.

Instead I acted cold and nonchalant. I was just so NERVOUS. He'll probably never come again during my morning shift and I don't blame him.

At least I have his phone number so it's up to me to make the next move. I just need time.

I shouldn't obsess about this. I just can't stop thinking about this morning. I wish I had behaved differently.

This afternoon I filled out some of the college forms. I'm not sure about some of the financial questions. I have to get some forms from my boss and I need recommendations! Who is going to give me recommendations? Am I going to bug my old highschool teachers after 5 years? I'm also unsure about what to write in the essay. I really want this, but it seems so unattainable right now.

I can't do this alone. I envy people that have parents that help and care. I don't have anyone to turn to.
posted by Iris at 4:00 PM