Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The end of the road.

It's been months since I've updated.

The reasons for this are embarrassing and difficult to open up about. I messed up so many things in my life. I can pretend that it all didn't happen, but the minute I write about it. It becomes real. I have to face it.

The past month and a half has been spent in a daze. A series of moments leaning over a mirror with Michael. Cutting white powder with a razor blade, and feeling like my heart was racing out of chest. Moments of dancing around the livingroom, leaning over the window sill thinking I could fly and a blur of laughter.

Sweating, Crying, hating myself, screaming and wondering who the hell I was when I wasn't high.

I don't know how I allowed myself to sink so damn low.

But I can tell you right now that it's come to an end. This entry is marking the end of this period for me. It all started so innocently, and spiralled into an addiction.

I broke up with Michael tonight. I'm moving out. It's over. It's all over. Everything.

I'm moving back home with my mother until I can sort this all out. I'm crying right now while I type this. I have to get it together...

I'll explain more in a future entry, but I doubt there is anyone left reading this. It doesn't matter. I'm writing for myself.
posted by Iris at 10:14 PM