Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Skeleton key

I'm watching "The Skeleton Key", some crappy film with Kate Hudson. I took the day off from work because I have a stomach virus.

While I was watching a scene with Kate Hudson and this realization hit me. Note: This has nothing to do with the movie or with Kate Hudson.

I want to break up with Michael.

This is the first time I've seriously thought of about this.

I felt like I needed him for so long. But I don't. I don't need him and I'm not even sure if he loves me. I'm not even sure if he ever loved me.

I'm staying in this relationship because of the sex.

That was what pulled us together in the first place, the sexual desire, the anticipation, the need, the passion.

But suddenly I'm sitting here on a sofa that belongs to him, in his apartment... alone, watching this movie that is supposed to be scary but isn't... and I'm wondering, .what the hell am I doing with my life?

My life is what's scary. I need to make a change.

It's not like typing this out is going to make it suddenly happen or anything. But at least I know it has to start at some fucking point.
posted by Iris at 4:27 PM