Saturday, November 12, 2005

Closing the door

I haven't had much of an urge to update lately. I've been feeling depressed and lethargic. The days are kind of blending into eachother. It's all just a gray trail of meaningless events.

Today at T.G.I. fridays, A man I was serving suddenly reached out and grabbed my arm.

"You're a model right?", He asked "Or part time actress..waitressing on the side for extra money?"

I stared at him. I was tempted to be honest and admit that I'm not. Admit that this is all I've got, I'm not doing anything with my life..on the side.

But instead I froze and than nodded. It made me sound like I had something going on. What an appealing thought. The struggling actress forced to be a waitress while she pursues her dream. There was a time when I believed I could be on stage, there was a time that I believed I could be famous. I wanted to study dramatic arts in a nice college and someday perform on stage. Those childhood dreams are over.

The man handed me his card. "I have a modeling agency, we could use your face", He said "feel free to call me"

I took the card in my hand, turned it over a few times and then shoved it in my apron. I nodded politely and went to fill his order.

But later I pulled it out and ran my finger over the laminated words. Should I call him? Could this be the break that famous actresses talk about?

I showed it to Michael, He just laughed and tossed it on the coffee table.

"It's a scam, they do this all the time", He said "Next thing you know he'll be asking you to take off your clothing in a photo shoot for chunk change. Don't fall for it, Iris. I know how people like this work. They take a pretty girl and promise her the world. It's bullshit"

I taped the business card it into my scrapbook and closed it.

I wasn't just closing the scrapbook, I've officially closed the door on all my dreams.

It's Saturday night, Michael left to go pick up some friends. I need to get dressed. I don't feel like going out, but I don't feel like staying home and staring at this flickering computer screen either.
posted by Iris at 8:32 PM