Wednesday, September 28, 2005

working it out

Michael and I are back together.

I'm so relieved right now, I can't even express it in words.

Last night at around 3 A.M., the door bell rang. I was sleeping at the time and it woke me up. I heard Stacey open the front door and I heard voices. I climbed out of cot, and peeked my head out of the room to see what was going on.

Michael was there, and he was visibly drunk. Stacey was arguing with him about something but I couldn't make it out.

"It's okay, Stacey", I told her stepping out in the hallway "Let him in"

I was so happy to see him. It was hard not to start laughing with joy and jump in his arms. My heart was just pounding wildly in my chest and I felt like I couldn't even breath.

He came up to me and pushed me into the bedroom wordlessly. He had me up against the wall and started kissing me. He pulled my T-shirt over my head. We were both completely breathless and just groping at eachother. It was so intense and raw. Michael actually started crying when he pushed inside of me. We had the most amazing make up sex against that wall, I think back to it and feel my whole body heating up again. I can't put it down.. I can't describe it . It was just..passion.

This passion I don't feel with anyone else, that I never felt before Michael. I know there are a few people reading this, and if you think back to the most intense sexual experience in your life. You know what I'm talking about.

Afterwards, we slid down the wall onto the floor and he held me.

"I'm sorry", he said "I'm so fucking sorry..I didn't listen to you, and I was an asshole. I was just fucking scared.."

His voice was slurring slightly, and he leaned his head back up against the wall. He looked so vulnerable, so lost.

"Nothing is happening between me and luke"

"I know."

Then he started really opening up and he told me a lot. I found out some things I didn't want to know, but I'm glad he told me..even though it hurt. For example:

"That girl you met at the door was Karen. We were having sex for a while..last month"

"What??? While you were having sex with me?"

"No..yes..I don't know. I didn't know what the hell we were doing, Iris"

"So that's why you didn't want to have sex at first..because you were seeing someone else. God..I can't believe this. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Karen and I weren't seeing eachother..I don't know what it was"

"Just like you don't know what THIS is"

"no, I know what this is now"

"What is this then?"

"This is real..this is intense. I feel something when I'm with you that I haven't felt with anyone else. When you left on Friday.. It's been shit for me. These past 5 days have been hell. You challenge me, you intrigue me..you turn me on. I asked you to MOVE IN with me! Iris, I don't DO that..that's huge for me.I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you"

"I wanted you too"

He didn't say he loved me. He didn't define the relationship or call me his girlfriend. But he was honest. He didn't have to tell me all these things..but he did. I respect that.

At 5:30 A.M., we got up off of the floor of Stacey's sewing room. I scribbled a thank you note to Stacey and left it on the kitchen table.

we walked home together

and he held my hand the entire time.

****

I'm really tired right now..I'm going back to bed. Everythings okay again and I just wanted to type it out.

I'm truly happy.
posted by Iris at 12:11 PM