Tuesday, September 13, 2005

opening up

It's 5:15 A.M. and I can't sleep. Sometimes typing in my diary helps, so here I am.

I finally got the courage to tell Stacey about what our boss did Friday night. It came out while we were having a cigarette break tonight at work. I was just so filled with rage when I saw our boss tonight, that I had to tell someone.

"Iris, that's incredibly fucked up what he did", she told me "You have to tell someone about this"

"I'd rather just forget it"

"Do you want me to handle this? I know someone that can help you fight him and we can.."

"I'd prefer not to"

"So that's it, you're just going to let him pull something like that and get away with it. He's a bastard"

"I know, but it's over"

Stacey just sighed "Whatever, But.I wouldn't let him get away with it if I were you."

"Forget I told you"

Stacey just shook her head and walked inside the building. She left me standing outside alone with my cigarette.

I hate my life sometimes, I don't feel like Stacey understands me anymore either. There's a certain distance between us since I've moved in with Michael. I can't describe it in words, but it's there. I don't feel like I have any real friends, except for Carl. But ever since Carl started dating some guy named "Jett" (I have serious doubts that his REAL name is Jett..but whatever), He hasn't been around much either. My mother isn't talking to me or my sister.

The only person who keeps calling is Luke. Stacey said she called her flat 10 times last week asking for me. She keeps telling him that "I'm out" because she doesn't want to be the one to tell him that I moved in with Michael. I'm surprised my mother hasn't told him yet, since they seemed to be "so close"

I know I have to call him and clear things up, I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of everything. I'm aware of the fact that this makes me a very pathetic and weak person.

The only time I'm really happy is at night with Michael, those are the moments I live for.
posted by Iris at 8:36 AM