Tuesday, September 06, 2005

bliss

Life is just a series of moments

It's not about success or failure, jobs or money, politics or fame. I don't know why we have all these goals that we strive for and measure our worth by. It's all crap.

Right now I'm happy.

I'm happy because I'm in love..or maybe I'm "in lust", but it feels so damn good. It's something I've wanted for so long.

This..what I'm experiencing right now.

It's what I've seen only in my dreams, only in movies and books. I didn't think it would happen to me, and it did. I want to hold on to every second of it because I don't know how long it's going to last. I'm not so naive to think this will last forever, or that anything in life does. There is no security, there are no guarantees.

But the way I felt last night was amazing, I wish I could bottle it up and re-experience it over and over again...

Michael has a bathtub, and last night I was taking a bath. I poured in a little bit of shampoo to make bubbles form and eased my body in the warm water. I loved the way it lapped around my knees pulled up against my chest..and the way it lapped around my breasts..the water felt like it was kissing my nipples. I let my head fall back and just enjoyed the feeling.

I heard the front door open and I knew it was Michael. I listened to him put the keys on the counter, the sound of drawers opening in the kitchen. This anticipation in my stomach.. Just the thought of him entering made me aroused. I moved my hand between my legs..touching myself and shifting in the water.

He came in and looked down at me in the bath with a smile.

"Now this is what I like to come home to", He said kneeling down next to the tub, He pushed the wet strands of hair behind my ear and touched the side of my face "I've been thinking about you all fucking day.."

I closed my eyes.

"What are you doing down there..", He motioned to my hand hidden under the soapy water

I smiled, "What do you think", My voice was choked because I was so turned on and I know he saw it in my face. My cheeks felt hot and I looked away.

"Oh god..", He moaned, He moved his hand over my shoulder blade and over my shoulders..then across my breasts slowly..pushing away the suds..then touched my knee..the slid his hands down my inner thigh and it disappeared under the water...I opened my eyes and saw that his were closed while he touched me there. His lips partly open, and his breath quickening.

The intensity of my own response to his touch frightens me, I feel like I lose all control and everything falls away. He stripped down and joined me in the bathtub. He pulled my body on top of him..

We had water and soap all over the floor when it was over..I felt lightheaded..breathless.. like a different person. A happy person.. He pulled my wet body out of the bathtub and started drying me off..he did it so slowly. I loved watching him, I liked seeing him grow hard again. I shouldn't write about this, it's making me ache for him again..I can't even sit still. I'm a mess.

We didn't need alcohol or drugs..I didn't need to escape. With him, I can be myself. I can be my truest self. I feel this bliss that just moves through me and he makes me feel so beautiful. It's like the ultimate high.

Michael is at work right now, I should be at Starbucks but they called me this morning and told me they were cutting back on my work hours. I asked "Why?", He said something about how I'm always "tired" and I "took on too much". Which is true, working two jobs has been exhausting and I realized I can't handle coming home at 2:30 A.M. some nights, and then leaving at 9:30 A.M. for my second job. I had only a few hours of free time..and only a few hours to sleep. It wasn't working. I need the money though. I have to figure out a way to make more that doesn't require me burning out entirely.

I have the afternoon to look through the classified and find something better. I can only think of Michael right now though, and I can't stop smiling...
posted by Iris at 3:10 PM