Thursday, September 08, 2005

Adjusting

Living together with someone I'm involved with for the first time is a lot harder than I expected. It's especially hard when you don't know where you stand..

Are we together..or are we not together? Am I his "live-in girlfriend" or am I just "the roommate that he's sleeping with"?

I wonder if anyone else had a situation like this..it makes me want to open up my comments for feedback. I feel so confused. I don't want to feel jealousy and insecurity when another girl calls. I don't want to be irrational.

On the other hand, I don't want to be used. I want to be special.

God, I want so badly to hear him say: "I love you, Iris"

I don't need him to marry me or pledge a lifetime commitment. I just want to hear that I mean something to him.

I see something in his eyes, last night when we were in bed..we had the lights on and he was drawing designs on my stomach. He moved his finger over my breasts and my neck..then he touched my cheek. He looked into my eyes so intensely and his lips crushed down on mine. The kiss was so beautiful, so raw..

He was so gentle last night.

I love the way he feels inside me, I love so much about him. I know I'm in love with him..I've been feeling this for a long time. I turned my back on my family and broke up with Luke. Just for this..

for these moments together..to feel the way I do.

I shouldn't want any more. I should just appreciate it for what it is.
posted by Iris at 8:05 PM