Thursday, August 18, 2005

Luke called 4 times in the past few days, Michael hasn't called at all. he hasn't been at the bar either.

I'm drunk right now and I want to call Michael.

My god, I want to call him so badly..It's just this ache inside and it's spreading across my entire body. I want him so incredibly much.. I've been drinking and I know that is contributing to these feelings.. I know I can't act on them. I can't think rationally in this state.

But I want to feel his kisses and tongue running down my body..I want to feel that bliss in my stomach and excitment that I only feel with him. I think back to our moments together, and I feel this anticipation..this intense insane yearning. It just washes over me.. I see flashes of our bodies covered with sweat sliding over eachother, his shoulder muscles tightening..I hear his moans, I see his lips..I feel my thighs trembling at just the thought of him touching me and I can't even sit in this chair without squirming. I actually get goosebumps at the memories, and my throat tightens.. not to mention how wet

Okay. I have to stop

Have you ever just wanted someone so badly that it actually hurt, you felt like you couldn't breath...

My mother actually called me..today, she "trusts that I'll do the right thing" and then she talked about Luke for nearly an hour.

Apparently they're becoming good friends. Why does it bother me that my mother loves my ex-fiance more than me??

I'm so tired of being something that she has to be ashamed of.. When I told her about Michael, and I told her that I met him in the bar she said:

"You left Luke for some strange guy you picked up in a bar? I refuse to believe that, My daughter doesn't behave like that"

oh yes.

Your daughter does...and right now all I want is to be with him. Why can't he love me?? Why doesn't he..why can't..

Okay, too drunk..I hate how alone I feel right now.



posted by Iris at 4:01 AM