Tuesday, August 02, 2005

It happened

Okay, there has been a major development in my life that occured in the past 17 hours.

Michael and I slept together.

He was at the bar when I went to work last night. At first I didn't approach him, I intentionally served the other customers first. I was nervous and insecure. I can't even describe all the thoughts that ran through my mind when I saw him. I didn't know where we stood with eachother.

Finally I walked up to him and didn't look into his eyes. I asked him what he wanted to drink.

He grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry I didn't call"

I just shrugged. "Whatever"

"Do you want to come to my apartment tonight after work?"

"I don't know" (He had some balls to ask that after blowing me off all week!)

He just stared at me.

"I'm really busy, what do you want to order?", I asked him this while looking over his head. I didn't want him to see that I was hurting or that I was scared. It was easier to be cold than to start crying again.

I served his drink and then went to the other side of the bar. He sat there all night drinking and smoking. Everytime I looked at him, He was staring off into space. I gazed at his profile and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest. I was really yearning for him and so grateful that he didn't just leave like most guys would have after being treated so coldly. He sat there for six hours. When my shift ended, he came up to me as I was locking up some of the cabinets.

"Please come home with me"

I was quiet. Then I nodded, but I didn't look at him. I couldn't say no, I wanted to so badly and he knew it.

His flat is a studio apartment with big windows on the 22nd floor in a nice part of town. He has hardwood floors, and nice chinese lamps. I liked the artwork he had on the walls, everything was more classy than my apartment. I wondered what he had thought when he saw the crappy hole that I lived in.

He led me directly to the bedroom, then sat on the edge of the bed. I stared down at him, I didn't say anything. We just looked at eachother.

"You are so beautiful", He whispered. "When I first saw you, that's all I could think"

I looked down and shook my head. I heard the words, they affected me. But I couldn't accept them. He doesn't see the real me, the messed up me. Once he does, he'll leave me.

He pulled me down on the bed and we started kissing. I love the feeling of his lips, the feeling of his tongue sliding over mine and his taste. I love how his hair falls over his face and his eyes. I love the way he looks at me, he makes me feel so sexy. He makes me forget all my problems and in that moment, it's just us. Everything falls away, nothing else matters.

He pulled my shirt over my head and started kissing my breasts, his hands moving into my panties. I just let my head fall back and closed my eyes. I was close to having an orgasm in his hand.

He was on top of me, looked into my eyes and smoothed back my hair. I felt his erection against my inner thigh. "Are you sure you want this?"

I realized how close we were to having sex, just the anticipation of it was causing me to shake. I never felt like this before, I never wanted something this badly. It was never like this before, I can't even describe this. My words sound pornographic, but what it was is actually so much more.

He closed his eyes. "You're so wet"

Then he was pushing inside of me, I was trying not to... right away and just enjoy it. I even tensed of up my thighs..but it was impossible. I was so aroused, it was insane. When I did, he did a minute after. It just came in waves, I dug my nails into his back. I loved the sound of his moan and feeling muscles clenching in his back.

He fell on my chest after he came, his hair spread out of my breasts and he said "I'm sorry....it was because I felt you.."

"I know"

Michael smiled "I've wanted this.. Iris..suddenly it was happening and...."

"I know" We looked into eachother's eyes, and I smiled back. Then we kissed.

It was incredible, just that moment..I felt so close to him, so connected. Just to feel him inside of me for the first time and to have that experience with such intensity. It didn't last hours like in the romance novels, but my god..it was perfect

That's enough to make my happy for the rest of my life. Maybe it's because I've wanted it for so long. Because it was so real, and so raw.

While we were laying there, He was drawing designs over my breasts with the tip of his finger slowly. It was causing goosebumps to crawl up my entire body.I smiled and closed my eyes.

It's strange how sex can change you're entire perspective, I've been walking on a cloud all day. I've been humming and nothing has brought me down. Even my mother's judgmental message on Stacey's answering machine. Even my landlord telling me that I wont be getting my deposit back. Even the fact that I went through the classified this morning and saw no good job opportunities. None of that even matters right now. I'm not thinking of where this relationship is heading or even if it's heading anywhere.. I'm just happy, no one can take that away from me.
posted by Iris at 2:28 PM