Thursday, August 11, 2005

Exhausted

Working two jobs is so fucking exhausting.

Yesterday morning I worked my first day at "Starbucks". (Yes, I got the job) I was hired by a guy that looked about the same age as me. He seems sweet, with a slight stutter and a nervous twitch. I kind of liked him and I'll admit that I flirted slightly to get the position. He was so patient while he explained how to work the machines. I was so dead tired and hung over from my late shift at my bar job. It was hard to even focus and I had to keep concealing my yawns. The people I work with are preppy and all college students.

I have nothing in common with any of them, they're from another planet: "Banana Republic planet", one that I rarely visit. They all seem wealthy too, like they're doing the job just to get free Latte's and to hang out with their friends.

Whatever. I need the money.

It's hard working until 4 A.M. at the bar, then starting work at my second job at 9:30 A.M. After that job lets out, I have only a few hours before I have to return to the bar. My social life and free time are gone.

I saw Michael last night. He came by while I was locking up. I was so tired, I didn't even have the energy to play hard to get or get emotional over his "We're going too fast" statement. I've already cried all my tears, I'm drained.

I just took his hand into mine and kissed him. He kissed me back with such passion and pushed me up against the wall. I invited him back home.

When we were in my little room. He said something about how sorry he was.

"I just don't know what we're doing right now. I can't be that guy for you, Iris. I can't live up to your expectations. I can't give you what you need."

I pulled off my uniform top, I liked his eyes on me..I like seeing his pupils enlarge and how his breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of my breasts. I like seeing the bulge form in his pants..I love the way he makes me feel, I pulled down my skirt and tugged slightly at the edge of my panties.

"I just want you to make me shake..I need to feel you inside of me and taste your skin. That's all I need..just make me tremble again.."

That's the truth too, I'm too tired to play games. If he can't give me anything..fine. Then this relationship will be all about sex. I'm willing, I want it. He wants it..

And it makes me feel so good, so alive.

He came up, and slid down my panties.. then he pushed me down on the bed. I think back to last night and I have to close my eyes.

Afterwards he held me as I fell asleep, for a few moments I can imagine that this relationship is going somewhere. I feel less alone. I know that sounds pathetic.

He left about 2 hours ago for work, and now I'm sitting here in only my panties because it's so hot right now. The window is open, and no breeze is coming in. I need a fan..

I have to get dressed, my shift starts in a half an hour. the only good thing about this second job is that it's only a ten minute walk from Stacey's apartment.

I'm doing better than I was in the last entry. I'm kind of embracing the whole "No expectations, No disappointment" philosophy. Just living in the moment and taking things day by day.

P.S. thank you...you know who you are
posted by Iris at 12:00 PM