Thursday, July 28, 2005

A New Beginning

Here I am in my new temporary home.

I'm sitting in a tiny room with a small window that is facing a brickwall. I can hear the traffic clearly from the street through the open window and various sirens. This room used to be Stacey's spare room that she had transformed into her sewing room. Her sewing machine, and a pile of random colored fabric have been removed from the desk and pushed into the corner of the room. Now this is my computer desk. I have a small cot in the corner and the room is filled with all my boxes. They are piled up in every available space. I can barely walk. The walls are green and the curtains are yellow. There's a poster of Marilyn Monroe sitting with a woeful expression over the desk. She's just gazing at me sadly.

I'm not going to pretend that moving from my own apartment with the nice view to this has been easy. That I'm not sitting here feeling a bit depressed about this and feeling a hint of despair at my new situation. But I'm really trying not to see this as a permanent thing. I'm just grateful I have somewhere to live. (and it's not my mother's house)

Stacey's apartment is pretty small, She has a 70's style kitchen with not much space to walk around, a small livingroom, her bedroom, this room and her bathroom. She has about 300 stockings hanging from the shower rod.

I thought people only hung stockings from their shower rods in the movies! She also has more make up than I've ever seen in my life. She told me I could use any of it, whenever I wanted. She could be an Avon Saleslady with the amount she owns.

I miss my cat, usually she would be purring and rubbing against my leg right now.

Last night, We sat together in her livingroom drinking Cocktails and watching television together. It was nice having someone's company, having a roommate. We just talked and laughed. We also watched "Meet Joe Black"

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The movie left me feeling low..because it brought me back to one of my first memories of Michael. I even wrote about that day here. I logged online and read through my entire journal. It was difficult to go back to certain moments.. My crappy job at Walmart One hour photo and my Brief stunt as a cashier... cheating on Luke and destroying my relationship. My diary should win a "Most depressing Blog" award. Sometimes I think of shutting this down from the public.

Michael still hasn't called, but he doesn't know my new number here.

Stacey said "You should call him"

I just shook my head. I'm not going to be that girl. That desperate girl again. If he wants to see me, he knows where I work. I'm trying not to think about him.

This is a new beginning. I'm going to find a second job, I'm going to find a new flat and get back on my feet. It's going to be okay. It's going to get better.

*Thank you C.C. for making a new template for me, and your amazing photoshop skills with the photograph. I don't know how you did that. and Noipo Designs for for providing the basic layout that you worked with. I really love it, that was so kind of you both.*

Did you notice how I learned how to link? There is hope for me yet.
posted by Iris at 4:35 PM