Saturday, July 30, 2005

My Boss

I feel really sick right now. My boss pulled me into his office during my smoke break tonight at work and gave me a "talking to". I still can't believe what he said to me. I can't stop thinking about our conversation and feeling down on myself. I'm so unhappy with my life at this moment.

He sat behind his desk all cocky, in his usual tacky button up wanna-be "swingers-style" top, and slicked back hair. He's in his late 30's/ early 40's with pock-marks on his face. He always has a four-oclock shadow that I imagine he thinks is really sexy, but just makes him look sleazy. He probably watches his boxset of "The Soprano's" at night and imagines he's a mafia boss. He acts like he rules the world. Everyone just tolerates him.

I really despise him right now.

He leaned back on his chair and said "Iris..Iris..Iris..Iris"

I just stared at him, and smiled politely.

"Your work ethic lately..I don't even know where to start", He said "You come in late, you come in drunk, you leave early and last month alone you took 4 sick days"

"I'm sorry, It's just been a really rough month for me.." I started to explain

He waved my words away with his hands "Save it, I don't want to hear about your love life or your personal dramas.", He said "Do you know the only reason why I haven't fired you?"

I shook my head.

"Because you have a cute face, a tight ass and nice tits"

HE ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO ME!

I just stared at him. I felt l was sinking into my chair, I gripped the seat rest tightly and told myself over and over in my head "Don't cry..Don't cry..be cool". I know my face was hot, and I felt rage.

"the customers like you.", He looked me over and laughed.

I smiled uncomfortably and pretended to shrug. I wanted to kick him though.

"But if you think you can skirt through life based on your looks alone, well you have another thing coming, honey", He said. Then he picked up the phone "Okay, you've been warned. Get back to work"

I got out of the chair stiffly and walked out of his office. Once I was in the hallway, I started to cry.

I wanted to rip off my uniform and quit right there on the spot. But the truth is, I need this job. I need the money. I don't have any other options right now.

"skirt through life based on my looks alone??" What the fuck is he ON? He has no clue how hard my life is and how much I struggle just to get by!

I'm sorry, for the profanities, but I'm just really upset right now. I know some people can have a conversation like this with their boss and just brush it off, laugh about it. But I'm not one of those people.

Suddenly life as a bartender doesn't seem so glamorous anymore. In the beginning it was exciting, I got a rush out of my job, I was excited about going to work. I loved it. Bartending was portrayed so wonderfully in movies like "Cocktail" and "Coyote Ugly"

But in reality it's a shitty job, it's demeaning and I hate it. I have no college education, no prospects and heading on a dead-end path. Most people bartend for a few years in college, or inbetween jobs, or while they're doing art, acting or performing music on the side.

But for me. This is it. This is my life.
posted by Iris at 4:26 AM