Friday, July 22, 2005

Another night with Michael

Yesterday afternoon I called Michael. I was so nervous, I kept tripping over my words on the phone. I couldn't even explain why I was calling him, I didn't have a concrete reason. I just needed to hear the sound of his voice. I just needed to feel less alone.

He asked if he could come over and I said "yes"

When he arrived. We lingered around the front door together for a while. We didn't really say much. I didn't tell him that I broke off my engagement. I was afraid to tell him, I was afraid of seeing his expression. I brought him into the kitchen and made him a drink. He suggested that we go out dancing. I told him I needed to take a shower first and that he could watch some television in the livingroom.

In the shower, I kept staring at the faucet nozzle and feeling shaky. I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. I wasn't sure if this was right.

Then I heard the bathroom door open. I froze.

"Can I join you?", I heard his voice through the curtain. At first I couldn't respond, It was unexpected and my heart was pounding so fast in my chest.

"Sure..okay", I said, my voice sounded so tiny, the sound was drowned out by the spray of the water against the tiles. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at his shadow through the curtain as he was undressing. I kept thinking "holy shit! holy shit!". I smiled and turned to the wall.

The curtain parted and he stepped in. I kept my eyes down and my hands over my chest. This was the first time he was seeing me entirely naked. My face was so hot, My cheeks must have been completely crimson and my ears. I was trying to play it cool, but it was impossible.

He stood next to me, and I moved over slightly so he could get under the warm water.

He picked up my bath sponge and soaked it in my shower gel, then motioned for me. "Come here..I'll get your back"

I turned and felt him running the sponge a long my back. I smiled, I couldn't help it. "I've dreamt about this" As soon as I said it, I regretted it. There was a long silence. The words kept repeating over and over in my head and I wished I could snatch them back.

Finally he said "Really? Me washing your back..or...?"

"Just..you..here..like this", I said. It was easier to say because I was facing the wall, I didn't have to look at his face. "I would imagine this and just..I would.." (stop. stop. stop.)

"You would what?"

I was silent. I was regretting the few shots I had taken before he arrived, this conversation would have never taken place had I been entirely sober. trust me on this. "touch myself"

He stopped washing my back. I didn't say anything more, I was embarrassed. I felt like an idiot.

"Show me"

I turned to face him. "What? Right now?"

He nodded. I saw he was aroused, something you can't hide when you're naked and in a shower together. I was too at that point.

"I've never done that in front of anyone else..I can't"

"yes you can"

I looked at his eyes, his hair wet over his face..his chest, his legs..Then I closed my eyes and leaned against the tile wall. I moved my hand over my breasts and hesitantly moved my other hand down over my stomach and inbetween my legs. Just knowing he was watching me made the whole experience entirely intense. In fact, I'm getting turned on just typing this and remembering everything. I should probably stop writing about this now.

In the middle..his hand moved over my hand, and he started touching me too. It was just..I'm at a loss for words to even describe it. When I opened my eyes..and looked down at what he was doing, saw his eyes on me..his breathlessness and his erection. I was sent completely over the edge.

We were in the shower for a long time.

We never made it to the dance club.

Okay, I'm really turned on, I just keep seeing flashes of last night in my mind, kissing and the water pouring down my neck and shoulders..his breathing..the way he touched me.. He left at 2 A.M. because he had to go to work early in the morning and his carpool was going to be picking him up from his flat.

We didn't sleep together yet, I want to call him now. I'm feeling..I'll get into these feelings another time. I'm sure you can imagine it without me having to spell it out.
posted by Iris at 12:05 PM