Saturday, July 23, 2005


I restrained from calling Michael, but it turns out I didn't really have to. He was waiting for me at the bar when I arrived.

Seeing him sitting at his familiar place at the end of the bartable drinking his beer and smoking a cigarette caused the heat to rise to my face. I felt this rush of adrenaline just at the sight of him. Everything has changed and yet it hasn't. We have this history of intimacy now, but I still feel the same nervousness and hesitancy.

I approached him and smiled. I didn't say anything.

He asked me when I was getting off from work.

"I just arrived", I laughed and looked at my watch. "in 6 hours my shift ends for the night"

"I'll be back then"

Work was fun, just knowing I was going to see him again made every second stretch on to eternity, but the anticipation kept me going. I spoke with Stacey about my current situation and she offered me her apartment as a place to settle down for a few months until I found my own flat.

That surprised me. Although we've been working together for a long time, we have never seen eachother outside our jobs. It was a strange concept. The idea of living with her, but on the other hand, what other option do I have? Her kindness and hospitality floored me. I agreed and thanked her over and over again.

Michael returned at the end of my shift and we went to my apartment together.

It was 1:30 when we arrived and we just sat on my sofa drinking straight vermouth with olives and watching "Six Feet Under". It was so comfortable, I had my feet on his lap and his eyes were focused on the television set. I finally told him about my engagment being over.

"It wasn't because of me? Was it?", He asked

"Of course not" (total complete absolute lie)

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm relieved it's over..we were having problems. It wasn't working out.."

"I'm glad"

"That it's over?"

"That you're okay."

I just nodded and pretended to be really focused on the television show. But I felt his eyes studying me.

"I've been thinking about you all day", He said suddenly.

I blushed. (!!!!!!) "I've been thinking about you too", I tried to make it sound casual and not like a confession. I smiled and ran my foot over his thigh and slid it playfully between his legs. I moved my foot slowly over the crotch of his jeans. He stopped me with his hand.

"You're giving me a hard on"

I crawled across the sofa, and ran my fingers over his thighs. I knew my shirt was falling down in the front and giving him a view, I liked the fact that he was looking. I unzipped his pants.

I never really liked going down on anyone, in fact I've only done it a handful of times in my life. But I really wanted to with Michael. I loved the feeling of him in my mouth, sliding it inbetween my lips and running my tongue over the hard flesh. It felt so intimate..I loved his sharp intakes of breath.

He suddenly said, "Lets do this right"

I was confused, I thought he was implying that I was doing something wrong. Suddenly he lay down and shifted my body so it was on top of him. My legs spread open over him..I then realized what he meant and I started to move away slightly uncomfortably. "Do you mean 69?"

"You've never done that?"

No. "yes I have". (why do I keep lying to him? What am I trying to prove? I have to stop doing that)

I didn't expect to feel what I did. He was kissing me through my panties and then pushed aside the fabric. My whole body was shaking and it was hard to even support my own weight without collapsing on top of him just to feel his tongue in deeper. I kept gasping and when my mouth would open..what I was doing kept sliding out from inbetween my lips, I couldn't even focus..I thought I was going to pass out. I clenched the sofa cushions and closed my eyes.

This is all so new to me, these feelings. I feel like I'm entering an entirely different world, I knew it existed. I just never thought It would happen to me. I can't believe I'm writing about it, but it's the only thing on my mind right now.

I'm crashing, and I feel euphoric..completely alive. When he left at 3:30..I lay on the sofa, hugged the cushions and fell asleep smiling. Nothing can bring me down.

life is good.
posted by Iris at 2:54 PM