Wednesday, June 29, 2005

This must end.

I realized something today.

I can not marry him.

I'm terrified of being alone, I'm terrified of letting him go because for the first time in my life someone has loved me. Someone was there for me. Someone thought I was the most beautiful and important person in the world.

Someone wanted to marry me.

He's handsome. He's kind. He's caring. He's loving.

But I don't feel that feeling of intense love when I'm with him, I don't feel the desire to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm not ready, it's too early.

I don't love him the same way.

I don't want to lose him either.

But we can't get married.

I don't know how to tell him.

I feel like my world is falling apart, and I've never felt so confused in my life.

My mother is so excited. She's already picking out wedding magazines for me, talking about a location, recommending caterers. She's willing to pay for the entire affair. For once in her life, she's proud of me.

I finally did something right.

for her.

but not for me.

This has to end.
posted by Iris at 5:35 PM