Sunday, June 05, 2005

Barbeque

I went to a barbeque today with Luke and his family.

I felt completely out of place.

They were blasting 50's music, the kids were splashing in the pool, The men were smoking cigars on the deck, and I was in the kitchen with his mother. She was explaining how to make a casserole.

In the middle of her explanation, she stopped and hugged me.

"I'm glad Luke found you, You mean the world to him. I've never seen him happier"

I managed to respond "Wow, really..thanks"

But for some reason what she said bothered me.

I could see Luke playing with his cousin on the front lawn through the kitchen window.

He's such an amazing guy.

He deserves so much better.

What the hell is he doing with me?

We made love tonight with the sound of fireworks in the background and he fell asleep immediately after.

Now here I am, nursing a cup of vermouth with a few random olives in it at 2:30 in the morning wondering why I can't get rid of this emptiness sitting in my stomach

Why do I just want to cry?
posted by Iris at 5:35 AM