Thursday, May 05, 2005

Low Moments

I haven't updated in a while.

I've just been feeling kind of empty and distant inside. I didn't want to start typing about my emotions or rehashing any events in my life. I think it was because I didn't want to think about much of anything.

Sometimes in life, you find yourself going through events as though you're in autopilot. You just go through each day without really stoping to reflect on your actions, because if you did..

If you did, you would have to come to terms with the fact that you're not happy with the way you're living your life. Then it only leads to the things you can do to change it..which all are so damn overwhelming. It goes around in a complete circle back to doing shit. Then you're depressed.

But okay, I'm going to pull myself out of this cycle..

The past week or so have been the daily grind of working in the bar and returning home. Inbetween that I've been seeing Luke about every other day.

Am I in love with Luke? no.

Is Luke in love with me? so he claims

We're still together because I'm terrified of being alone together and I feel like this whole relationship is kind of spiralling out of control. I met his parents last week.. They gushed over me and accepted me into their home like a new family member.

I felt like an imposter.

I never told Luke about that one kiss with Michael.

I haven't seen Michael again at the bar.

Oh and I haven't found a second job yet, so I had to borrow money from my Mother again to help with the rent.

My life has reached an all time low.
posted by Iris at 4:26 AM