Monday, March 28, 2005

I feel nothing

I had another date with Luke tonight..

Yeah, and he's still here. He's sleeping in the other room, snoring slightly.

Okay, yes I slept with him,

Casual sex..woohoo..

I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd pass the time on the internet. It's also strange having him lying in my bed..I don't feel like I know him well enough to fall asleep comfortably in his arms.

I think I need more to drink.

I don't regret letting him stay, I just feel incredibly empty. I kind of let all the events unfold, but didn't get so swept up into the passion of it. I wanted to..

When he was kissing my neck and tugging at my pants..I wanted to feel excitment and anticipation. But I felt like I had to fake it..My mind was somewhere else. I just kind of let it happen and then afterwards lay in bed feeling..

feeling nothing.

not sad..not happy..not anything.

I rolled over and stared out the window for a while..replaying the events of the night a few times before getting up and starting to type here.

Is there something wrong with me.

I want to call Carl and talk to him, He always has a way of being excited and cheerful..that makes me smile. Makes me feel giddy.

I love gay men.

god, I need to feel something

Giddy would be nice.
posted by Iris at 6:41 AM